The River of Love

The beginning of what is hopefully a poetic Lenten journey.

The River of Love

The river begins with the bubbling of the spring,
a slow trickle turns to gurgling on the mountain,
and the water falls into the clear brook babbling;
the rushing waters roar and splash like a fountain.

The brook flows with the curving of the ground,
a swift stream of fuel for the lighting of life's fire,
and the flora are growing from the water's round,
the fauna drinking clean water until they retire.

The creek dives off the mountain's shining face,
a waterfall of life forming from the tears of love,
and the mist is showing us the rainbow's trace,
the sign of love's promise ever-glowing above.

The valley cradles the pool of churning teardrops,
a whirlpool of love spinning beneath the deluge,
and the plants are budding under rocky outcrops,
the wave-filled pool a luscious greening refuge.

The garden thrives around the old winding river,
a monument to the nourishing stream's power
and the flourishing of all good things forever,
the river of love sustains the blooming flower.

Note:  Photo credit goes to me.  In this poem I'm using typical devices like a four-line stanza, end rhyme, start rhyme, internal rhyme, and natural imagery.  I tried to stick to a 12-syllable count for each line.  The poem is about God's love for us which starts small and grows into a powerful river which brings an abundance of life through the power of love.

40 Days on the Mountain: Meditations on Ordinary Time

During the course of Ordinary time, the longest part of the Roman Catholic liturgical year, I committed myself to continuing the meditations I had begun during Lent and deepened during the Easter season.  Ordinary Time can often seem mundane to the practicing Catholic, and I know from experience that it can seem a dull time which spans about half of the year.

Lately, this part of the liturgical year has great significance for me; I have come to realize that the great battle for holiness is so often won or lost in the most ordinary of moments and in the most mundane activities of working and caring for family.  It is in those most ordinary times in our lives that we have the greatest opportunity to grow in love for others.  If we can inject holiness into our daily routines and ordinary acts, then it can take root in us much more deeply than if we only do so during the exciting high points that occur less frequently in our lives.

These daily routines often remind me of climbing a mountain because of the repetition and discipline required to be successful in either one.  I have learned that if we want to reach the heights of heaven from the lowly earth, it will require us to take up our cross daily and follow Him over some very rocky terrain.  I really enjoyed using my experience of the Appalachian and Rocky mountains to elucidate these concepts, and hopefully they will help others to begin the ordinary work of becoming extraordinary in our love just as God desires us to be.

Day 1 - As we behold the mountain while we approach it, we are drawn to it by its beauty, the sense of awe building within us as we gaze upon its majestic heights, and we are drawn to it yet more by the somehow entrancing broken lines scarring the mountain's face.  It is the pure and simple beauty of the mountain which motivates us to meet the challenge of facing our own death as we struggle mightily to ascend to the peak.

In the same way, when we behold the spiritual mountain of God, we are drawn to it first by its great beauty.  We feel a profound sense of awe as we contemplate the Father's love which dwells fully at the peak.  We are drawn to it yet more by the face of the scarred Icon, the Son whose Kingdom is not of this world, the Son who faced death so that we too could face it with His kingly majesty.  It is this pure and simple spiritual beauty of the outpouring love of God which motivates us to enter the spiritual struggle and ascend to meet Him at the peak.

Day 2 - On the mountain, as we leave the lush valley to begin our journey toward the rocky summit, it becomes apparent that not all paths are the same, that many paths will lead us to our death in a ravine while others might be so convoluted and lengthy that they will cause us to die from hunger and thirst before we reach the pure spring at the summit.

So too on the spiritual mountain, it becomes apparent as we begin to climb that not all paths are the same, that many paths will lead us to a death of the spirit long before we reach the spring of Living Water flowing from the heights.

Day 4 - On the mountain, as we survey the paths we might take to reach the summit, we can choose to strike out in whichever direction we feel looks rugged and untrammeled, beautiful to behold, or we can search out a well-worn path taken by those who have made the journey before us, trusting that those who have been to the summit have already found a reliable way to reach the pure spring at the peak.

So too on the spiritual mountain, as we look at the many spiritual paths we might take to reach the heights of purest love, we can choose to strike out on our own in whatever direction our whims lead us, or we can make the climb on the well-worn spiritual paths taken by those who have climbed the spiritual mountain before us, trusting that they have found a reliable way to reach the source of the  Living Water pouring down from the peak.

Day 5 - On the mountain, the climbing is easier at the base, and we beginners might be tempted to believe that we are doing particularly well when the first day's climb goes smoothly.  As time goes on and the climb becomes steeper, we learn that we are still too weak to make good progress in a day, even with the help of climbing equipment.  This humility is a hard lesson, but a helpful one.

In the same way, when we are beginners in the ascent of the spiritual mountain, we might believe at first that we are doing very well in our spiritual ascent to the heights of Love.  As time goes on, it becomes clear to us that we are far weaker than we believed, that we can barely make good progress even with the help of the most potent devotions.  Ah, how the hard lesson of humility spurs us on to greater efforts and assists us in our ascent to the Lord!

Day 6 - On the mountain, the humble climber seeking the summit for the first time knows to seek out a guide, someone who has been on the mountain before and knows the paths around the ravines and sheer rock faces which cannot be traversed, someone who has been to the summit before and is willing to help others reach it alive as well.

So too on the spiritual mountain, the humble seeker of the heavenly heights knows to seek out a guide who has been on the spiritual mountain before, someone who has found the difficult paths around the pitfalls and obstacles on the spiritual mountain, someone who has been to the heavenly heights and invites others to reach them as well, helping them to ascend where they might otherwise have fallen to their death.

Day 7 - On the mountain, even those who have an experienced guide will not have an easy ascent. The guide simply directs us to where the climb is possible; there is no perfectly smooth path to the summit, and every person will encounter parts of the path which take all of our strength and skill and will to traverse alive. There is always a risk of stumbling into a ravine from which we cannot ascend because we grow weary and want what looks like the easier path.

So too on the spiritual mountain, even those of us who find someone who has been on the spiritual mountain before, someone from whom we can learn which spiritual paths are possible routes to the summit of divine love, will encounter parts of our path which take all of our strength and skill and will to traverse without dying the spiritual death of separating ourselves from the Living Water because we are weary and want to travel what looks like the easier spiritual path.

Day 8 -  On the mountain, we do not have the luxury of always encountering comfortable handholds and footholds as we climb the steep slopes down which flows pure spring water from the summit.  We must use whatever handholds and footholds are available, strengthening ourselves in our climb by exercising our muscles and learning the better ways to use the mountain's terrain to lift ourselves up.  It is often the most difficult part of the climb which benefits us the most as we draw closer to the peak.

So too on the spiritual mountain, we do not have the luxury of always encountering that which is comfortable in our ascent of the mountain; we will encounter many difficult moments as we strive to find the summit of divine love.  Those difficult moments are often the handholds and footholds on the spiritual mountain, and when we choose to lovingly serve others in those moments, then we strengthen ourselves in our climb by exercising our hearts with love and learning how to love more deeply.  It is so often the difficult moments in the spiritual life which benefit us the most and we draw closer to the peak from which flows the Living Water.

Day 11 - On the mountain, the process of finding the usual pleasures of life becomes more difficult as we climb higher; the plants and animals we find delicious for food are not so abundant on the heights as they are in the garden.  The rich amenities of the city with its comfortable vehicles are replaced by aching feet placed on hard ground; its bottled liquors so easily swigged are replaced by spring water gathered carefully into a canteen and rationed so that it might sustain us for longer in order to finish our climb and reach the summit.

So too on the spiritual mountain, as we climb higher toward the summit of divine love, it becomes more difficult to find the old pleasures upon which we relied previously.  The pleasure of raucous noise is replaced by worshipful silence on the spiritual mountain; the pleasure of the physical closeness of other people is replaced by the serenity of spiritual intimacy with the divine; the pleasure of impressing other people with our appearance is replaced by a profound awe in the presence of that which transcends mere appearances, that rocky ground of existence upon which can stand firm.  When we have replaced our old pleasures with what we truly need, then we will be sustained as we strive to drink of the Living Water rushing down from the heights.

Day 12 - On the mountain, it is easy to fall down the mountainside in such a way that we are seriously injured, even if we have not yet climbed very far.  How much easier it is to fall and be gravely injured once we have climbed closer to the summit!

In the same way, it is easy to hurt ourselves by falling off of the spiritual mountainside through our sins.  When we miss the mark and fall off of the narrow path to the summit of the spiritual mountain, it is deeply painful.  And the higher we have climbed, the narrower and more difficult the path to perfection becomes, it is all the easier to slip and fall.  Ah, how deeply we feel the anguish upon a fall from the heights of the spiritual mountain!  The closer we have come to union with God, the more severe the pain in our hearts when we fall farther away from our beloved Father who dwells at the summit.

Day 13 - On the mountain, the very air becomes thinner, often painfully so, as we draw closer to the peak.  The weight of each breath seems to grow as we gradually ascend, perhaps beginning to feel over time as if the weight of the mountain has come to rest on our chest rather than under our feet, our lungs burning with the desire for more oxygen.  But over time, we grow accustomed to moving in the thin air, and our lungs and arteries grow stronger for it as we acclimatize to living on the heights.

So too on the spiritual mountain, every breath of transient pleasure we take becomes more difficult as we draw closer to the peak from which flows the Living Water.  The weight of the pleasures to which we cling the most strongly, those basic pleasures we never thought we would have to abandon, becomes unbearable for us as we ascend.  Oh how we long for our pleasures even while we recognize that we cannot carry them with us to the summit, and how it burns us to leave them behind!  But over time, we grow accustomed to living with little pleasure, and we grow stronger for it as we acclimatize to a life of service to all on the heights of love.

Day 15 - On the mountain, a blizzard can strike unexpectedly, blinding us and forcing us to take shelter until the storm has passed.  We can either find a cave in the rock or dig a cave in the snow to protect ourselves from the shearing force of the wind and the bitterness of the cold which leeches heat and life from our bodies.  We learn on the mountain that to stay warm we need fire and water, that the snow is dangerous to us until it has been purified by the fire so that we can drink of it.

In the same way, on the spiritual mountain a blizzard of temptations can strike unexpectedly, the many pleasures that can be had in life flying toward us on the deadly chilling winds, forcing us to take shelter from them in the cave of solitude and prayer, creating a space between us and our temptations so that we have room to grow in divine love.  We learn on the spiritual mountain that to stay warm we need the fire of our love for God and that we must purify the pleasures of life in that holy fire so that they do not leech the heat and life from our spirits, so that we might retain the strength to reach the summit and drink of the Living Water.

Day 16 - On the mountain, there are many times when it is necessary to camp and rest after a day's hiking or climbing up the mountain's face.  To be still and silent on the mountain, to fall asleep in its shadow and under the glorious stars of the night sky, is a joy after a long day's work as we ascend the mountain.

In the same way, we must stop and rest regularly as we make the grueling climb to the summit of the spiritual mountain where the Lord dwells.  To be still and silent before His presence, to fall asleep with the glorious light of His saints shining down upon us from heaven, is a source of great joy after each day's labor and the daily prayers which ascend to Him from our hearts.

Day 18 - On the mountain, it is the climber who remains calm who is able to recover when the grip of worn hands slips on the slick rocks of the mountain's face, preventing a painful and perhaps deadly fall.

So too on the spiritual mountain, remaining calm is vital.  The one who can quiet the mind when fear and anxiety begin to drive the intellect to race along unproductive paths is the one who can recover from the beginnings of a spiritual fall into the ravine of sin.

Day 19 - On the mountain, our choice of path can be a matter of life and death.  An avalanche can begin with a single step onto the top of a snowpack, freshly covered after a blinding blizzard and exposed to the light of the sun the next day, beautiful in appearance.  Death can come quickly for us when we place our trust in what turns out to be unable to support us, not solid enough to help us on our journey to the summit.  We learn on the mountain that entrancing beauty and the appearance of peace on the snowy slopes are not enough to lift ourselves up upon, but that in amounts too large they can pull us down and bury us, entombing us under the weight of their ephemeral crystalline beauty.

So too on the spiritual mountain, our choice of path can be a matter of spiritual life or death.  When we walk through life relying on our daily transient pleasures to support us, spiritual death can come quickly for us.  It can come when we take a single step, to begin a single habit of relying on a pleasure to get through life, which then causes the avalanche of pleasure-seeking to pull us down and bury us under the weight of the ephemeral beauty of our pleasures, forever keeping us from reaching the summit of divine love.  We learn on the spiritual mountain that the appearance of peace found in small pleasures is unable to support us as we search the heights of love for the eternal spring of Living Water.

Day 20 - The mountain can seem like a prison as we climb higher, the steep walls of rock we've climbed giving us no easy way to return to a comfortable altitude.  The farther we go in ascending towards to peak, the more difficult it is to turn back.  But this is no prison; our commitment to climb the mountain presses upon us with increasing urgency and spurs us on to victory.

In the same way, the spiritual mountain can seem like a prison as we begin to climb higher in the ways of virtue, and we may sometimes long to return to the comfortable vices we have left below and behind us.  The greater the virtues we gain, the more difficult it is to return to those comfortable vices, for we have learned that the greater joy is found in climbing to the spiritual summit.  The commitment we have to reaching the summit of Love Himself spurs us on to meet Him.

Day 21 - On the mountain, the best path is the solid path, the path we know will support our weight.  The solid path, however, is not generally the easy path.  The solid path is the path which is unyielding precisely because it is solid and can bear the full weight of our bodies; the solid path will not soften for us, will not bend as we press upon it.  In order to traverse the solid path which leads reliably to the summit, we must conform our movements to the solid path, following it carefully and methodically, because the solid path will by no means conform itself to our wishes.

So too on the spiritual mountain, the solid spiritual path is the best path, but it is never the easy path.  The solid spiritual path will support us unfailingly on our spiritual ascent precisely because it is unyielding, because it will not conform itself to our wishes.  Instead, we must conform all actions of our spiritual life to the shape of the path, following it carefully and methodically to the summit from which springs forth the Living Water we seek with joyful hearts.  It is the unyielding spiritual path which will shape our lives so that we can reach the heights of divine love!

Day 23 - On the mountain, amidst the chill of the air, the rocky crags, and the frigid vegetation, we are glad to have companions sharing our trek to the top of the mountain.  We are especially grateful for those companions we do have because not many will want to join us on the solid, rocky, difficult to traverse path which is necessary to take in order to reach the summit.

So too on the spiritual mountain, amidst the cold temptations that surround us, the rocky crags of obedience which we climb, and the frigid vegetation of pride which dots the landscape of our hearts, we are indeed glad for the faithful companions who share our journey.  The companions who join us are rare indeed, committed as they are to the hard path of poverty, chastity, and obedience by which we reach the summit after a great struggle, delighted to see the spring of Living Water as we ascend the peak.

Day 24 - On the mountain, it is necessary to keep the fire alive so that we can stay alive, so that we can keep our bodies warm and avoid the slow death that comes from prolonged exposure to the intensely cold air into which the heat from our bodies moves as we breathe it out of our lungs, the fire in our hearts being extinguished slowly with each beat.  If only our hearts could carry the fire safely, our journey to the summit would be much more enjoyable.

So too on the spiritual mountain, it is necessary to keep the spiritual fire alive so that the spirit will not die, so that we can avoid the slow death of the soul that comes from prolonged reliance on the cold pleasures of the flesh, pleasures as precious to us as the breaths we take.  If we but remove the cold pleasures which smother the spiritual fire of the heart with the blanket of the ego, then the fire will never be extinguished, and our hearts will be filled with the light of joy as we climb the steep slopes of love on our journey to the summit.

Day 26 - On the mountain, we keep the fire alive by carrying with us the long-burning fuel to feed the fire through the night, quick-burning fuel to ensure that the fire burns hot from the beginning, and something to create the spark from which the fire begins anew each day.  Though the spark is absolutely necessary, it is the fuel which decides how hot and high the fire will blaze as it burns through the darkest night in frigid mountain air.  The wise climber seeks the best fuel that can be found to ensure that the dark nights and cutting winds of cold air can be endured.

So too on the spiritual mountain, we keep the spiritual fire alive by means of long-burning fuel, quick-burning fuel, and a spark to light the spiritual fire each day.  The morning prayers of love for God and others are a necessary spark, and yet it is the daily joyful affection we show for our loved ones that sets the spiritual fire burning quickly and the loving acts of service for the stranger and the orphan that keep the spiritual fire blazing boldly through the dark night of the soul and the cold air of our temptations to partake of selfish fleshly pleasures.  The wise climber on the spiritual mountain seeks the prayers of the most radical love for God, the most expansive joyful affection for all in the divine household, and the most costly acts of compassion for those most in need of His mercy to fuel the spirit on the journey to the summit.

Day 27  - On the mountain, we stop and stand in awe of the waterfall rushing down the steep slopes, watching as the mist and fog collects below in the peaceful stillness being constantly broken by the thunderous sounds of the crushing wall of water as it strikes the rocks and wears them down over the ages into the smooth stones which can safely be held in the most tender palm of the smallest child.

In the same way, on the spiritual mountain we stand in awe of the waterfall of Living Water, the gift of Love rushing down the slopes to the pool available to all who venture near to the spiritual mountain, the thunderous sound of Love breaking the stillness as it strikes the hard rock of our hearts below over the course of our lives, wearing them down into hearts of purest love, hearts which can safely hold in them the tender child-like love which will bring us ever nearer the spring of Living Water at the peak.

Day 29 - On the mountain, we are tempted to stand directly under the waterfall, to explore what lies behind the wall of water slamming down upon the rocks, but the wise traveler knows that this will require preparation to undertake.  To enter into the grand waterfall which cascades forth from age unto age, we need to first strengthen ourselves by standing under the smaller waterfalls which will shape our habits so that we can withstand the power of the stream, shed ourselves of all the unnecessary and heavy burdens we carry so that we can enter the stream without being swept away, and take precious supplies with us so that we can continue to have strength for the journey once we reach the other side.

This gift of Love is a crushing wall under which we cannot stand upright until we have been shaped by the smaller waterfalls of suffering which wear away all of those parts of us which are not made of the gentleness of love, until we have been cleansed first in the waterfall of divine grace which is poured out upon us in Baptism, and until we are immersed in the waterfall of the passion of divine love seen with the eyes of faith in the Eucharist, that bread for the journey which strengthens us on the way to the summit.

Day 32 - On the mountain, we can see far more than we could see before we reached the peak. We can look back and see the desert in the distance, remembering the long journey across the barren desert that taught us that reaching our destination requires sacrifice which gradually separates us from our compulsive reliance on comfort.  We can look back and see the garden in the valley that lies below the foothills, remembering our simple and serene life in the garden that taught us to take the time to cultivate the best food for those we love, dedicating our lives to tending the land we have been given and growing in the soil watered by the river.

So too on the spiritual mountain, we can see far more of the spiritual life than we could see before we reached the peak.  We can look back and remember our journey through the spiritual desert which began the process of separating ourselves from our fleshly pleasures so that we could have room in our hearts for divine joy.  We can look back and remember our time in the spiritual garden during which we began the process of cultivating love in our hearts so that they would bear the fruit of divine love watered by the river which springs from the summit of the spiritual mountain.

Day 34  - On the mountain, the moon seems to loom larger in our vision at night when the sky is clear.  Her light shines upon us so brightly, a necessary reflection of the light of the sun upon us even when the sun is not visible to us because the earth has turned the other way, always drawing our gaze to the sunlight even in the cold dark night.

So too on the spiritual mountain, Mary the Mother of God seems to loom larger in our vision during the dark night of the soul, reflecting the light of the Son upon us even when we cannot see Him because we have turned to look the other way.  Oh, how delightful it is that her light consoles us through the cold dark spiritual night and allows us to see His light!

Day 36 - On the mountain, the sun is even brighter than in the desert, its rays reflected more powerfully by the snow and ice, saturating our vision with light.  In the cold mountain air, we treasure the warmth provided by the sun even more, knowing that its rays are sustaining us quietly while we climb higher toward the peak where its rays can reach us from every direction.

So too on the spiritual mountain, the Son is even brighter than in the spiritual desert, His light saturating our vision and filling our mind with the things of heaven.  We treasure the warmth in our hearts provided by the Son more than ever, knowing that it is His light showering upon us always from every direction, a divine light which sustains us while we climb to the peak on the heavenly heights to meet our Love.

Day 37 - At the peak of the mountain, there is nothing to hide us from the view of anyone who might be looking; we are exposed to the wind and sun and to the vision of all, whether they love us or wish to do us harm, and yet we are not afraid.  The joy of reaching the summit overtakes all our doubts and fears, and we delight in drinking from the mountain spring from which came the waterfalls on the mountainside and the river in the garden.

In the same way, at the peak of the spiritual mountain we do not attempt to hide from anyone who might seek us because we know that we are ever visible in the light of the Son; we are at peace while we welcome both friend and enemy into the embrace of Love.  The joy of reaching the spiritual summit fills our hearts so that there is no room for doubt or fear, and we drink reverently of the Living Water which springs forth from the mountaintop to fill the world with the chance for life eternal in the garden of Paradise with God's Love.

Day 39 - At the peak of the mountain, we can see more clearly how very small we are and how expansive all that exists is.  We are humbled by our insignificance and also emboldened by the magnificence of the extravagantly beautiful creation of which we partake; our hearts are emptied of ingratitude and filled with gratitude for the whole cosmos which is laid out before us, a gift we cannot give to anyone but those who journey with us to the summit from which the river springs.

In the same way, at the peak of the spiritual mountain we see clearly how very small we are and how expansive all the God has given us is. We are emptied of our self-centered pride which separates us from divine love and filled with joy as we understand that all we have experienced has been part of a wondrous gift, the gift of Love which we only wish we could return in equal measure, a gift of all which we can only match by giving our all to Love, the gift which we invite others to share by taking the journey with us to the summit from which the Living Water springs.

40 Days in the Desert - 40 Days in the Garden - 40 Days on the Mountain

The Blessing of Spiritual Homelessness

If the proverb, "Home is where the heart is" is true not just for our emotional lives but also for our spiritual lives, then I am spiritually homeless.  My heart will not rest until it rests in the Lord, and so too my spirit.

For many of us in the post-industrial West, home is a place of comfort.  We can rest at home, taking our ease in relative safety.  Our hearts can be at peace in the comfort of our home. This peace born of comfort and ease is, however, a peace easily broken by discomfort and unease.

And life often upends our comfort and ease, thrusting us into uncomfortable situations.  Life tends toward more difficulty rather than less difficulty, leading us into ever more discomfort and unease as we grow and age and learn to cope with the discomfort of growing and aging.

If we allow this process to shape us for the better, then we will become less dependent on the comforts of this world, gradually shedding our attachments to its pleasures.  This allows us to build our lives anew on a firm foundation, the cornerstone who was rejected by the builders of His day.

In this way, our hearts are detached from the transient, unstable peace provided by worldly comforts so that we might be free to enter into the eternal peace which is given by the amazing grace of God.  The end of the comfort and ease of a home for the heart can be a new beginning for a lasting peace of the heart.

And so it goes for the spiritual life.  Though having a spiritual home is pleasant and comfortable, I know from experience that there is a serious spiritual danger which flows from it.  We can become too comfortable with the people who form the church community, the building in which we pray, the ministries in which we serve.

There is nothing wrong with (and much that's good about) a tight-knit church community, or a beautiful church building, or serving in many ministries.  Our attachments to these things is the problem, because they so easily take the place of our relationship with Christ.

Attending a church can become primarily about seeing our church family, or enjoying the artistic and architectural beauty of the building, or serving in a ministry.  While these are all good things, they ought to flow from a robust life of prayer and sacrifice of praise to Our Lord.

So how do we know when we have succumbed to this spiritual danger?  If a church which teaches all the same doctrines as the last one we attended isn't good enough to attend because it doesn't feel like the immediately welcoming church family we had before, that's a strong indicator of spiritual danger.

If we refuse to attend the church and seek another one because of the beauty of the building, that's another strong indicator.  If we shop around for a church in which we can participate in the ministry we enjoy participating in the most, that's yet another strong indicator of spiritual danger.

These are not spiritual dangers because the ministry is not good, or because beauty is unimportant, or because the sense of community isn't wonderful.  I am the last person to suggest that these things are unnecessary.  In fact, I believe them to be quite necessary to a flourishing church life.

The spiritual danger is at bottom the problem of selfishness.  When our choice of church to attend is a matter of the Truth that transcends our preferences and even cuts against our preferences, it is not selfish to choose it.

But when our choice of which church to attend is a matter of finding a comfortable-feeling church family, or finding the comfort of artistic beauty, or finding the comfort of ministry we enjoy, this is still selfish.  This sort of choosing is building our lives upon the sandy beach rather than on the firm foundation of Christ.

I recently left a church I had attended for more than 10 years.  I went to a church with a much less beautiful building that is badly in need of renovation, a small-town community that does not even come close to feeling like family in the same way, and I'm not participating in the ministries I was involved in previously.

That has all been very good for me.  Though it may seem like a disappointment, I have very much benefited from a chance to reform my life, to let God point me in the direction of new ministries, to help increase the beauty of a church in need of it, and to understand once again what it is like to be an outsider so that I can better understand those on the margins.

I am, as always, spiritually homeless.  I live not in a spiritual house, but under the bridges along the river of love.  And I am glad of it.  Though I once saw spiritual homelessness as a condition to be escaped from, or ameliorated, or merely endured, I now see it in a different, healthier light.

I now understand that to see that we are spiritually homeless is not to give in to hopeless resignation about the spiritual life, but rather a recognition of the truth of our situation in the created order: our spiritual home lies beyond this world.  We will not find true peace unless it is the peace we seek from the grace of God.

We will only find the lasting, eternal peace we long for in the eternal household of God the Father, when we are received in the heavenly household as adopted sons and daughters of God.  The peace of Christ is not the peace of worldly comforts, even comforts in very good things, but rather the peace of the full communion of love which is the communion of saints in Heaven.

Spiritual homelessness is part of the good life; it helps us to have compassion for those who do not have a home in which their hearts are at rest.  And spiritual homelessness helps us to separate ourselves from even those good things to which we are selfishly attached so that we can grow in the divine life of Love.

The life of spiritual homelessness is not a curse upon us by a malicious demiurge, but rather a blessing given to us by the God who is Love Himself.  May we live under the bridges upon the river of Love in this world until we find the source and summit of the divine life in the heavenly household, our true spiritual home.

Note:  This is a picture I took while wandering in a park.  I was not living under this bridge, though it is a very nice bridge indeed.

40 Days in the Desert: Meditations on Lent

During the course of Lent this year one of my goals was to perform regular meditations on Lent to enhance the effects of the already powerful practice of self-denial on the spiritual life.  I wanted to learn to live Lent fully rather than just going through the motions of Lent, because I've learned that what I get out of my religious practice is directly related to what I put into it.

I put significant time and effort into it, and the fruitfulness was far beyond what I had gained from any Lent before.  I was inspired by the Temptation of Christ as recounted in the synoptic Gospels and decided that I would follow Jesus by spending 40 days in the desert, which is what Lent is actually intended to do for us as a church during the year; it should be uniting us with Christ in his victorious battle against temptation.

We are called to follow Him into the desert just as we should follow Christ in all things, keeping His commandments because of our love for the one who loved us unto death.  And it is by our love for Christ and our commitment to keeping His commandments out of that love which allows us to battle our temptations in such a way as to overcome them just as He did in the desert.

Part of the journey was to begin by researching the desert as an ecosystem and a habitable environment for humans, beginning to understand what makes the desert valuable as a place to live and thrive in our daily existence.  Another part of the journey was occasional spiritual insight from the Desert Fathers, the early Christian ascetics, hermits, and monastics who lived the Christian life in a fullness we in the post-industrialized West have difficulty even imagining.

As they knew quite well, the liturgical life is intended to help us bridge Heaven and earth, providing a way to integrate our daily existence with the timeless spiritual life.  And so my Lenten journey became a process of bridging the physical and emotional realities of life in the desert with the spiritual realities of the 40 days of Lent, drawing on the Gospels as frequent inspiration.

Below are my meditations for this Lent; each meditation draws on the visceral reality of life in the desert and shows the spiritual lesson that I gained from it.  Not every day has its own meditation, a fact reflective of life in the desert in which the work of daily survival can make it difficult to make time and space for contemplation, but also makes the time and space we do have for contemplation immensely fruitful.


Day 1: In the desert, we learn what is truly necessary for life: food, water, and faithful companionship.

In the spiritual desert of Lent, we also learn what is truly necessary for the spiritual life: the Bread of Life, the one who gives living water, and the one companion who is eternally faithful unto death.


Day 2: In the desert, it is not the billions of grains of sand around you that cause you constant irritation, but rather the few that are tumbling around under your foot in your boot.  How quickly we stop to pour them out if we are wise!

In the same way, when we are in the spiritual desert, it should not be the many evils around us that constantly irritate us, but rather the ones we carry with us.  And how quickly we stop and seek to rid ourselves of our own evils if we are wise.


Day 3: Our impression of the desert is often of a somber emptiness where conditions on the rough ocean of sand are too harsh for life, but in truth deserts are full of life. The harsh sands teach the desert traveler to move with care, always aware of the landscape with its beauty and dangers. The emptiness of the desert teaches the traveler how to live without distractions, embracing each precious moment fully rather than spending it recklessly. The desert wildlife teaches the traveler to observe and respond to the small dangers in life before they become fatal problems. Life in the desert is difficult, and that is how it teaches us to live more fully.

So too in the spiritual desert of Lent we often begin our journey with the impression that Lent is merely a time of somber emptiness, but it is truly a time of growing into a fuller life.  It teaches us to be careful and consistent in our spiritual journey, which leads us to live the spiritual life by truly embracing each moment as an opportunity to grow in love.  It teaches us to live without the distractions of our sinful addictions and seductive comforts that steal away the precious moments we have so that we might love the least of His brothers and sisters.  It teaches us to watch out for the small dangers in our spiritual life, such as forgetting to pray and not reaching out in love to those in need.  In confronting the difficulties of Lent and understanding our own weakness, we can learn to live life more fully as an exercise of love.


Day 4: In the desert we often have the privilege of finding our limits, the difficulty of desert life teaching us humility by showing us our physical and mental limits.

In the spiritual desert of Lent, the difficulty we face in relinquishing our vices and building our virtues teaches us humility by showing us the limits of our wills and our hearts. These limits are not shown to us to discourage us, but rather so that we can expand our limits so as to fill the opportunities for virtue which abound in the spiritual desert.

Day 5: In the desert, it is difficult to forget the reality of death.  We are painfully aware that if we fail to find water, we will die.  If we fail to find food, we will die.  If we do not take care to avoid the venomous serpents, we will die.

So too in the spiritual desert it is difficult to forget the reality of spiritual death.  We should feel keenly our lack of the Living Water, we should desire more ardently the Bread of Heaven, and we should be even more wary of the venomous insinuations of the Evil One.


Day 6: In the desert, we clothe ourselves in multiple layers to allow freedom of movement and to protect us from both the scorching sun and the freezing night air.

So too in the spiritual desert, we clothe ourselves in the multiple layers of almsgiving, fasting, and penance.  These allow us to move more freely in the spiritual life as we relinquish the burdens of worldly comforts and protect us from both the scorching temptations of transient pleasures and the deadly sin of pride in our own self-sufficiency that so freezes our spiritual life.


Day 7: The desert is an excellent place to confront our temptations because it sharpens our focus and limits our distractions, forcing us to focus on our survival. The stark emptiness of the desert prompts us to look inward at our own equally stark spiritual emptiness, our reflection in the ocean of sand showing us that we are in the spiritual desert so that we can sharpen our focus and limit our distractions in the spiritual life, our spiritual survival becoming our priority.

So too in the spiritual desert we are confronted with our own emptiness, our own lack of ultimately fulfilling love.  Under the conditions of life in the spiritual desert, we can gradually turn our full strength toward destroying our vices so that our virtues have room to grow as we cultivate them with love and water them with tearful prayer.  Love is what flowers as the virtues grow strong in us.

Day 8: In the desert, as we wander the seemingly endless waves of dunes we might wonder where the desert came from, and why we are in the desert rather than in the lush garden for which our hearts yearn.

In the same way, when we are in the spiritual desert, we may wonder what caused us to be in the spiritual desert, suffering from the cold, dark nights of the soul and from the harsh, gritty sands of the heat of the soul's noonday sun rather than enjoying the delights of the spiritual garden which is cool, fruitful, and filled with abundant life.


Day 9: In the desert, dust storms arise, obscuring our vision with billions of small particles.  It is dangerous to breathe in the dust, for it can carry illness into our bodies.  In a dust storm, it is best to close the mouth to keep out as much of the dust as possible.  If necessary, we must cough to expel as many of the particles as we can from our bodies.

So too in the spiritual desert, storms arise which obscure our vision of Christ with the many small worries of our daily lives and our future desires.  It is dangerous to keep these within us, for they bring a spiritual sickness with them, the sickness of the fear which draws us into worldly cares and away from entering more fully into the divine life of love.  If our souls become infected with worldly cares, we must expel them by offering our concerns to the Lord to do with as He wills.


Day 10: In the same way that desertification happens to the land when it is recklessly deforested, overcultivated for food, and trampled by herds of animals, so too our lives undergo a process of desertification when we use our bodies recklessly, seek pleasure endlessly, and trample our relationships carelessly. Life becomes empty and dry, and we often try to do more of what we have done in a mad scramble to bring a thunderstorm of pleasure into our lives, but this too contributes to the desertification by washing away much of what little remains of our life.

But take heart, those of you whose lives are a desert! It is the desert that will teach you the self-control to use your body to produce good things sustainably, that will teach you to seek real good prudently, and will also teach you to cultivate relationships carefully. Just as your life can become a desert, so too can it become a lush garden.

Day 11:  In the desert, during the heat of the day, mirages may appear in our vision.  These mirages appear because our vision is limited and often faulty; the truth of it is that the water we believe is present in the distance is heated air through which the sunlight has been refracted.

In the same way, in the spiritual desert we may find that what appears in our limited spiritual vision to be the Water of Life is merely an illusion, that the desires we are fixated upon are not a refreshing pool of water at all, but rather more hot air over burning sand.

Day 12:  In the desert, the long silences, broken only by blowing sand and our own weary footsteps, often feel oppressive.  The silence prompts us to feel keenly the absence of companionship, and it gives us no rest from the rushing cacophony of our own anxious thoughts.

In the spiritual desert of Lent, silence can feel oppressive as we weather temptations and trudge along in our fasting and almsgiving and prayer.  It is easy to feel alone in our spiritual struggle and anxious about our weaknesses which are laid bare by our attempts at self-denial.  And yet it is in the silence that we finally hear the still, small voice calling us back to the Garden, that primal oasis where the Living Water flows abundantly and our hearts rest in Him.

Day 13:  In the desert, we must be ever-vigilant, for the chilling nights are profoundly dangerous, just as are the burning days.  The coyotes are prowling and the snakes are even more difficult to see as they wait for unsuspecting prey.  It is easy to die in the desert night.

So too in the spiritual desert, it is not just in the heat of the fiery passions that we must be vigilant.  Even when the bodily passions have gone cold, the demons are prowling and the Evil One waits for us to stumble and fall into the pit of Hades where we will suffer spiritual death.


Day 14: The desert is a wonderful gift to us; the sparseness and dryness of the desert lead us to yearn for the lush garden where the water so necessary for life is abundant and pervades our existence. In reminding us of how essential the water is for us, the desert prompts us to turn back toward the garden where we can find life once again.

In the same way, the spiritual desert is a wonderful gift to us.  The sparse and dry spiritual landscapes which our souls traverse help us to understand how very good Christ is, He who brings us Living Water, the water of eternal life to which He calls us, the water which springs forever in the Garden to which He alone can restore us.


Day 15:  In the desert, dust is ever-present, a reality which permeates the landscape and, when the winds blow, reminds us that what appears to be small and harmless can become a grave danger to us.  It is a reminder of our fragility and mortality, a warning that we shall return to the dust in the end.

So too in the spiritual desert, distractions are ever-present, and the images of sin permeate the landscape of our lives.  What appear to be small and harmless entertainments, indulgences, and lusts quickly become grave dangers to us when the winds of life begin to strengthen and we are toppled over as we try to carry all these things into the wind of life's challenges.  We are thereby reminded of our weakness, that we will face death in the end, and given a warning that spiritual death is very near.


Day 16: The desert foliage blooms in brilliant color where the river flows, the steady stream of water allowing the flourishing of plants and animals.  In the same way, we can flourish when we live in contact with the steady stream of the water of life, the living water which is found by those of us who seek it and given to those of us who ask for it.  We can seek this living water and ask for it; we can also continue dropping our empty rusted buckets into the same old well from which we get our familiar pleasures, increasingly finding that the water from the well satisfies our thirst less and less as we drink it.

Those of us whose wells of familiar pleasure bring forth water which no longer satisfies can begin to move ourselves across the desert to live on the river, enjoying the living water that allows us to flourish.  To travel the desert is difficult, but for living water that will help our lives grow into brilliant gardens, the trials of the journey are worth the glory of the destination.


Day 17:  In the desert, we are forced to meet ourselves.  Our physical weaknesses are frequently on display, our mental fortitude is shown to wear down quickly in the face of the tedium of a day's walk in the bleak wasteland, and our hearts yearn for even a moment of connection with another person who can pull us into a moment of joy that we cannot find so easily within.

So too in the spiritual desert we are forced to meet our own souls, so weak and frail as we strive for union with the God who created us, who sent His only Son to redeem us, and restores us in the living waters by the Holy Spirit who first hovered over those waters.  In recognizing our weakness humility arises, and as we turn to Him in repentance our souls finally bend low enough to accept the honor of eternal glory which our God so desires to give us.


Day 18: The desert is a place of cleansing, not because there is plenty of water with which to wash our bodies gently, but because like the strongest soap it is abrasive and harsh, wearing down the rough edges created by the dirt we have collected on our bodies.

In the same way, the spiritual desert is a place of cleansing for our souls. The cleansing of the desert is painful because it abrades the filth clinging deep in the recesses of our being, but it is a pain that allows us to experience the immense joy of living in freedom from the filth that was weighing upon us, making our lives purer so that we can spend our time loving openly in the brilliant sunshine rather than hiding our lusts in the cold dirty darkness.


Day 19: In the desert, we must leave behind many of the comforts of the city, of the lush forest, or the ocean villa.  Our priorities must change in order to thrive in the desert; we must sacrifice many comforts in order to retain what is most valuable: life itself.

If we would take up our cross and follow Christ, we must follow Him into the desert, leaving behind our comforts just as He did. Just like the rich man who wanted to follow Christ, but in the end could not let go of the comforts of his wealth, we so often do not want to relinquish our comforts and follow Him into the desert. Following Him into the desert would mean that we and our priorities would need to change, and how we struggle against anything that would ask us to step out of our comfort zone and into the harsh, dry land where we can grow precisely because we are uncomfortable!

And so we follow Him into the spiritual desert, because this via dolorosa is the road to eternal life.

Day 20:  In the desert, as we learn the perils of wandering in the sun's burning heat, we at first might feel as if the sun is the enemy.  It prevents us from traveling at whatever time is convenient for us.  Its heat prompts us to seek shelter, forces us to wear garments that cover our bodies thoroughly, and makes us painfully thirsty for the cool water of the oasis.

So too in the spiritual desert, as we learn that our God is a consuming fire whose heat and light we cannot escape, we might feel as if He is our enemy.  He prevents us from actualizing our transient pleasures whenever our desires for them arise.  In becoming closer to Him, we find that we must be transformed as our impurities are burned away in the fires of divine love.  And yet, this is the only way to quench our thirst for the Son who is the Living Water.


Day 21: In the desert, Christ faces those most difficult of human temptations: the lure of enjoying comfort food, the lure of attaining absolute power, and the lure of believing that we deserve to be saved because of our own righteousness. He emerges from the desert having resisted those temptations successfully, showing us that even in our human weakness it is possible to resist our temptations and emerge from the difficulty of our lives as masters of our passions rather than slaves to them.

So too in the spiritual deserts through which our souls travel, we will face the temptations of finding comfort in food rather than in prayer, seeking power over others rather than cultivating love for them, and being sure of our own righteousness rather than working out our own salvation in fear and trembling.  What a sweet victory it is to overcome the temptation to take refuge in transient comforts and false senses of security, emerging from the desert freed from the ties that bound us before entering the desert!


Day 22: In the desert we learn that our great enemy is fear; it is fear that prompts us to drink all our water quickly instead of rationing it so that we might live. It is fear that has us spending all of our energy in a short burst to try to escape the desert rather than adapting to it so that we might learn how to live. Life in the desert requires us to conquer our fears, to make our choices based not on what is frightening to us but rather on what is truly good for us.

In the same way, fear is our great enemy in the spiritual life; it is fear that prompts us to enjoy all the transient pleasures of life quickly, leaving nothing to sustain us later in our journey.  It is fear that has us desperately trying to escape the spiritual desert by getting lost in the fantasies so readily available for our consumption, trying to avoid the necessary changes to ourselves that will change our quality of life for the better.  Life in the spiritual desert helps us to conquer our fears by prompting us to face them; thus we can begin to choose freely the love that is offered to us rather than running from it in fear because it would change us profoundly to love so deeply.


Day 23: In the desert, honesty becomes a necessity; if we are not honest with ourselves about our limitations and our resources, then we will make the wrong decisions. If we are not honest with our traveling companions about our limitations and our resources, then they will make the wrong decisions. The desert has plenty of room for movement, but little room for error; wrong decisions often lead to a long death. In the desert, honesty is often the difference between life and death.

Just as in the desert honesty with ourselves and others is a necessity for life, so to is it a necessity in the spiritual desert of Lent. We will only grow and become healed of our wounds when we admit our weaknesses to ourselves and others so that pride, the source of spiritual death, will not overtake us; and thus we will find the gift of humility, the water of the spiritual life which sustains us and allows us to thrive in the spiritual desert.

Day 25:  In the desert, we can learn very quickly that we are still very much like children.  We may not cry out as often, but we often feel painful cravings for food and water at all hours.  Our constant sense of wanting, wanting all the day long for a cool place to lay, and then wanting all night long for a warm place to drink and eat, is like the child who has not yet learned self-control, who is still enslaved to their impulses.

In the same way, in the spiritual desert we are very much like children.  Even while the brilliance of the Son shines on us in the Eucharist, we long to lie down and enjoy the cold comforts of the flesh.  Even while the dark night of soul reminds us of the glory of the Son, we long to lie down and enjoy the brief warmth of our carnal passions.  We are the spiritual children of the Father who have not yet learned self-control.

Day 26: In the desert it is easy to despair, to look at the beautiful sunset and see only the dangers of the cold night ahead. It is much more difficult to hope, to trust that traveling through the dangers of the cold night will help us to grow in strength and wisdom.

If we give in to despair, letting the dangers fill our vision so that we can see nothing else, then we are looking forward to our own doom. But if we hope, filling our vision with the ways in which we can thrive, then we are looking forward to our own flourishing. Because we tend to find those things on which we direct our gaze, it is better to put aside despair and hold on to hope, directing our gaze toward that which allows us to flourish!


Day 27: In the desert, water can be difficult to find, and one of the best ways to find water is to go down to the low and shadowed places, for that is where water can collect and remain despite the assault of the blazing sun. Though we may have to lower ourselves to capture it, the water that sustains us is worth it.

In the same way, one of the best ways to find living water in the spiritual desert of Lent is to seek out the low shadowed places in our lives with sincerity, lowering ourselves in humility so that we might drink of the water that remains despite our sufferings, a water we can count on to keep us from death. Let us remember this water and return to it, and waste not the gift we receive in the desert by carrying it with us always!


Day 28: In the desert, there will be times when disaster looms, not just in the mind, but in the harsh dryness of reality. During those times when we exist on the hard edge between life and death, our self-control exhausted, then we will fall back on our habits and it is our habits which will decide whether we live or die.  Our life or death will not be decided in that moment, but rather by the hundreds of decisions we made over the course of months and years which formed our habits. Now is the time to build the habits that lead to life so we might not lose it later.

In the same way, now is the acceptable time to build the habits that lead to life in the spiritual desert of Lent, habits that we can count on in the moments when we come to the edge of spiritual life and spiritual death so that we might pass from death on to a new life in the garden that awaits us at the end of our journey through the desert.


Day 29: In the desert, we learn that it is best to be grateful for the oasis we reach at the end of our day's journey. We do not harbor resentment over the difficulties of the journey, but rather delight fully in the joys of the oasis, slaking our thirst on water which is truly necessary for life.

In the same way, we learn in the spiritual desert of Lent that it is best to be grateful for our daily prayer. Though the dryness of our daily toils abounds, we can delight fully in the joys of prayer, in lifting up our burdens and casting them off so that we can slake our spiritual thirst in true freedom, drinking and savoring gratefully the water which is necessary for the spiritual life.


Day 33: The desert is an uncomfortable place for those who are not accustomed to a life in which the essentials are what drive our decisions and our pleasures are mostly simple and necessary ones. But for those of us who live in the desert, we can become comfortable with our lack of comfort, and this is both an opportunity and a challenge. We can then come to see our life in the desert as a mundane life of drudgery, our comfort with the desert transforming into a weariness and resentment of its difficulties. Or we can understand that our life in the desert is an opportunity for learning and growing, our comfort transforming into an invitation to thrive as we travel through the desert in search of the lush garden that awaits us when we find the river that sustains life.

So too in the spiritual desert we can become comfortable with the self-denial requisite for our spiritual growth, choosing to see it is a needless imposition of hardship on us by God, or choosing to understand that our life in the spiritual desert of Lent is an opportunity we have been given to grow in such a way that we can transform ourselves in Christ's living water, following Him to Paradise.

Day 35:  In the desert, those who learn to survive and thrive find a peace of heart that surpasses the understanding of those who have never freed themselves from the luxuries and comforts of the city, the palace, and the garden.  The desert life is a centered life, a firmly grounded life unlike that of the ever-changing cities and palaces and gardens where novelty and transient pleasures reign supreme.

In the same way, those who learn to thrive in the spiritual life find a peace that surpasses all understanding.  They are centered on a life of prayer and firmly grounded in laying down their lives for the good of others; they are not ruled by a compulsive search for new things or brief sensual pleasures.

Day 37: In the desert, the wise travelers seek out companions to travel with them. In the dry harsh land where life is difficult, fellow travelers enable us to share our labors, our sorrows, and our joys. We can support them when they are weak and they can do the same for us, ensuring that we all have a better chance of reaching the water of life at the end of our journey.

In the same way, traveling the spiritual desert of Lent is better with companions with whom we can share our spiritual labors, our sorrows, and our joys. We can support one another in prayer and fasting so that we are all strengthened in such a way that we all have a better chance of reaching the water of eternal life in the lush garden of Paradise.


Day 38: In the desert, when we find and follow the river of life, we may notice that it takes us over rocky ground as it draws us lower into the valley where the lush garden awaits at the river's edge. There is no way to reach the garden without traveling the rocky ground and lowering ourselves into the valley.

In the same way, in the spiritual desert of Lent, we must lower ourselves into the valley of humility and endure the rocky hardships of life in order to reach Paradise where we can drink of the water of eternal life in the garden to which we are meant to return.


Day 39: In the desert, the experienced travelers know that while the lush garden that lies not far ahead is the better destination, it was the dry desert that taught us to appreciate the bounty of water in the lush garden.  And that it was the harshness and the bleak landscapes of the desert that taught us the value of the gentle pastoral environs we encounter in the fields and forests of vibrant greenery.  And that it was the truths we learned about ourselves in the desert which prepared us to live responsibly in the lush garden.

In the same way, in the spiritual desert of Lent, the experienced know that it was the spiritual dryness of Lent that taught us to appreciate He who is the Living Water all the more.  And it was the veiled glory of the sacred artwork that showed us once again how glorious the beauty of our churches is when that art is once again unveiled.  And it was truths we learned by fasting and almsgiving which prepared us to live responsibly in times of plenty, knowing that we have more to give the poor when we live sacrificially as Christ lived.


Day 40: As we leave the desert, following the river of life to the garden, it is only natural that we rush toward the garden with joy, anticipating the abundant life we will find there. It is the desert which prepares us to live life with loving gratitude for the immense wealth of the garden, for we know what it is like to live without the lush provisions of the garden.

In the same way, as we leave the spiritual desert of Lent, it is only natural that we rush toward the Risen Christ with great joy, anticipating the abundant life he has prepared for us in Paradise. The spiritual desert of Lent has prepared us to accept this gift of the risen life with humble gratitude, for we know what it is like to have a sparse life on the burning sands and hard rocks, a life without the lush abundance of the eternally flowing water in Paradise.

40 Days in the Desert - 40 Days in the Garden - 40 Days on the Mountain

By Frodosleveland - Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=34783600

Note: The above is an image of the Valle de la Luna in the Atacama desert.

40 Days in the Garden: Meditations on Pascha

During the course of the Easter season this year, my goal was to continue my Lenten meditations which had been so valuable to my spiritual life.  Just as with Lent, I wanted to deepen my practice of Christianity over the course of a season all too easily forgotten after the family dinner and egg hunts.

In the Roman Catholic liturgical calendar, the Easter season is about as long as the Lenten season.  Accordingly, I wanted to dedicate the same amount of effort.  Thus I have duplicated the format of my meditations, though I actually spent much more time on them.  Instead of using only the length of the Easter season, I took much longer, almost twice as long in fact.

In part, this is because the Easter season is the greater of the two, but it is also true that it is because my life has been exceedingly busy and there have been many wonderful fruits to enjoy.  I like to think that unlike the desert, the garden is a place in which we can relax a bit and take more time in our meditations.

I really enjoyed using my experience with my maternal grandparent's farm and my paternal grandparent's garden to write these meditations, interlaced with lessons from the Gospels and the Saints.  As before, my intent was to reflect the value of the liturgical life which helps us to bridge Heaven and earth, and so each meditation has a spiritual implication to match each experience of the garden and can help us on our way in our journey to return to the Garden of Paradise which waits for those who are friends of God.

Pascha - In the garden, it is easy to give in to the temptation to gorge ourselves on the sweet fruits and vegetables that grow so large and abundant there, especially after experiencing the hunger pangs and dryness of the desert where the food is sparse.  We can quickly make ourselves sick by feasting too greedily after the fast, thus losing the gentle nourishment of the garden's bounty.

In the same way, it is tempting to gorge ourselves on the experience of spiritual sweetness once we enter the spiritual garden, to break our fasting with such feasting that we make ourselves sick as we quickly become reliant on the feelings of spiritual sweetness rather than on the suffering Lord who died and rose again for our sake.  Thus we can lose the nourishment of the spiritual garden of Pascha if we forget the moderation and self-control we learned in the spiritual desert.

Day 1 - In the garden, we must remove the deep-seated rocks, weeds, and debris which keep the plants from growing to their full potential.

So too in the garden of our spiritual lives we must remove the deep-seated pride, addictions, and the old grudges to which we cling. In this way, we can begin to grow to our full potential as people of healing, peace, and purest love.

Day 2 - In the garden, we seek the counsel of the experienced gardener and follow the advice we are given by the gardener who has been cultivating and harvesting for many years.

In the same way, we should seek the counsel of the experienced cultivator of the garden of the spiritual life and follow the advice we are given so that the spiritual harvest may be abundant for us and for all those we love.

Day 3 - In the garden, we must faithfully cultivate it so that it brings forth all the good fruits that we need. The untended garden gradually becomes a dead garden, and the dead garden gradually becomes a desert. Let us keep ourselves from going back into the desert by our loving diligence, tending the garden so that we can remain in it!

Day 4 - In the garden, we must carefully avoid crushing underfoot the small plants which are growing so that they can produce great fruits and vegetables, especially when the plants are young and their growth is easily turned to a slow death.  Instead, we should promote their growth, removing the weeds that would strangle them, watering them with the clean water from the river, and ensuring that we do not block the light of the sun from reaching them.

So too in the garden of the spiritual life, we must carefully avoid crushing the spirits of those who are growing in the spiritual life, especially those who are newer to the narrow way and have not yet developed spiritual resilience, because their spiritual growth is easily frustrated and they may abandon the path of the Master.  Instead, we should help them struggle against their evil habits which strangle those who seek to grow in the spiritual life, showering them with the Word of He who brings the Living Water, and clearing any obstacles between them and the Son.

Day 5 - In the garden, the luscious fruits and vegetables upon which we feast are the product of both our difficult labors and the natural gifts we accept and use for our good.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, it is through both accepting the gifts we have been given and embracing the difficult labors of prayer, fasting, and giving to those in need which bring forth the best spiritual fruits.

Day 6 - In the garden, we can choose to be gardeners who cultivate life amidst the cycle of life and death, or we can choose to be destroyers of life amidst the cycle of life and death.

In the same way, we have a choice in the garden of the spiritual life.  Will we choose to cultivate life in the spiritual garden we long to dwell in, or will we choose to avoid the work of cultivation and allow the destruction of the spiritual life, never to see the Garden from which we first came and to which we long to return?

Day 8 - In the garden, we must sacrifice our immediate desires for the full nutritional value of plants which have grown long enough to be sufficient for our true nourishment. Rather than plucking the fruit before it is ready, the wise gardener waits, and it is often the most patient gardener who can enjoy the best crop.

So too in the spiritual garden of our lives, we must sacrifice our immediate desires so that we can grow into the fullness of the spiritual life, waiting with great patience until we are ready to leave the vine that grounds us and enter the household which is prepared for us, finally fit to take our place at the table of divine love.

Day 9 - In the garden, we must protect our crop from pests and thieves, not because we do not want others to partake of the crop, but precisely because we want a crop so bountiful that we can be very generous with it after the harvest, because we want to give to those who have not the strength to take.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we must protect our spiritual fruits from the Evil One and his minions, not because we do not want others to share in the bounty of our Lord, but precisely because we want to preserve the strength we will need to bring others with us into the Kingdom, because we want to help our brothers and sisters in their weakness as the Lord has aided us in our weakness to become strong in Him!

Day 11 - In the garden, we work hard each day that we are able so that we might produce good fruit. This work can become tedious and wearisome, but we have the power to keep our focus on the fruits of our labors so that we can do our work with the joy of knowing that it will benefit us and those we love.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we work hard each day to pray intensely and love humbly so that we might produce good spiritual fruits.  This work can seem tedious and wearisome, but so long as we focus upon bearing good fruits for the sake of those we love, we can work with joy in our hearts.

Day 12 - In the garden, there are times when the hailstorm flattens the crop, when the winds toss the fruit from the trees, or the floods wash away the new shoots. We can either grow bitter and ungrateful, lamenting our ill fortune, or we can learn to be grateful for the many gentle rains, the many light breezes, and the many sunny skies which so often escape our notice unless we are reminded of what it is to have rough weather.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, there are times when a storm of despair flattens our joy, when the chaos of life tosses the fruits of discipline away from us, or the flood of flattery washes away our budding humility.  We can grow bitter and angry, cursing the circumstances, or we can be grateful for the opportunity to learn that our spiritual fruits are a gift, to be accepted with joy along with many other gifts He gives to us.

Day 14 - In the garden, we must be close to the earth to cultivate the plants which will grow into luscious fruits and vegetables.  We must bend low, where it is impossible to maintain a proud posture, and dig our hands into the soil, the same earth in which our ancestors are buried.

In the same way, working in the spiritual garden requires us to bend low in humility, leaving behind the silly posturing of pride in ourselves as we kneel before the Lord.  We must dig our hands into the dirt of our souls to root out our sins, remembering that one day soon we too shall die, as did our ancestors.

Day 15 - In the garden, we prune back the vines so that they bear greater fruit as they grow once again.

So too in the spiritual garden of our lives, we are pruned back by the difficulties of life, forced to choose between clinging to our unhealthy attachments and reaching out in love to others. When we choose to reach out in love to others rather than clinging to our unhealthy attachments, we are pruned in such a way that we bear greater fruit as we grow from the experience of sacrificing our transient desires for the long-term benefit of others.

Day 16 - In the garden, we find that the fruits and vegetables have a flavor and lushness which surpasses that of the food we ate before. We no longer want to return to the sustenance that barely nourishes us, to the pleasures of a plate which is full of the wispy breads and sugar cane that quickly leave us feeling empty once again.

So too in the spiritual garden of our lives, the fruits of our difficult spiritual work which rests on a life of cultivating virtue far surpass the fruits of the easy living we subsisted on before. We no longer want to return to our striving for money, fame, or affection because we have learned that they quickly leave us with more of the same emptiness we sought to fill by attaining them.

Day 19 - In the garden, we are builders who construct a trellis, dig an irrigation ditch, or put up a fence. We build not to bring ourselves recognition through awards or fame, but because we want our building to support the growing of the best fruits for our family and neighbors in need.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we are builders who construct daily routines to provide a structure which supports our growth, dig out unproductive parts of our lives so that there is room for the living water necessary for the fullest life, and put up fences to keep out things that hinder our growth. We build these things not to impress others or ourselves, but so that our lives produce the best fruits of the purest love for our family and our neighbors.

Day 20 - In the garden, we must remember that it is often the death of the seed that brings forth new life for the next generation of plants.  Our fruits and vegetables are born out of a quiet death, an emptying of their life into fertile soil so that life can continue more abundantly and beautifully when it flowers anew in the springtime.

In the same way, we must remember that in the spiritual garden, the death of the ego is the seed of a renewed spiritual life.  Spiritual fruits are born from a quiet death of our selfishness, from the choice to empty ourselves of our transient desires so that life can continue more abundantly and beautifully.  When we clear the weeds of the passions from our souls, the spiritual life flowers anew, bringing about a springtime of the soul.

Day 21 - In the garden, the sunlight is brilliant and beautiful, giving its energy to our crops so that they might grow healthy and ripe. Though we grumble about the heat of the day and the sweat on our brows, wearing hats to shield us from its rays, and we cannot look at the sun directly without danger, it is nonetheless necessary to bring us nourishment from the plants we cultivate. The lush food from the garden is worth bearing the heat of the sun's rays for many days.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, the Son's light is shining upon us to give us the energy we need for the spiritual life, to nourish our souls by brightening the relationships we cultivate with His love. Though we cannot yet see Him in his brilliant glory, and we often try to hide from the rays of his love because they prompt us to grow and change, the transformation He facilitates in us is worth bearing the pain of our glorious transformation.

Day 23 - While the garden is for producing good fruit, nutritious and substantial food which sustains life, the well-tended garden is not merely a utilitarian venture. A garden lovingly cultivated is a place of great and simple beauty, a place in which the color palette and natural order of life in all its complexity result in a display of beauty that surpasses the finest painting and the grandest architecture. The garden shines in brilliant hues in the sunlight of a clear day and shimmers with the most luscious light refracted in the drops of water during the darkest storms.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, our lives are not merely a utilitarian venture; when cultivated with the most profound sacrificial love, we become a locus of spiritual beauty as our complicated lives are ever more infused by divine love, a divine love that shines forth in the brilliant hues of kindness and joy when life is clear of strife and shimmers with the light of compassion and grief for those who are lost in dark days filled with strife.

Day 25 - In the garden, it is easy to look out and notice that the fruits and vegetables are not as big as we might like, that the weeds are growing more quickly than we would prefer, and that the crop could be better. It is more difficult to notice that the garden is much bigger than last year's, that the weeds are more sparse than they were before, and that the crop will be more than enough to keep our table full.

So too in the spiritual garden of our lives, it is easy to notice how far we have yet to go. It is more difficult to notice our steady progress over the years, but oh the joy we find in gratitude when we do so, when we realize that our table is covered with many wonderful gifts.

Day 28 - In the garden, we learn that the sweet fruit of the vine, the grape, is not just an easy and delicious snack to be enjoyed briefly, but which gives us no lasting nourishment.  When it is crushed and fermented, it becomes a strong wine, a fortifying drink which gives us strength of heart for the coming days.

In a similar way, in the spiritual garden we learn that feelings of spiritual sweetness which we find in prayer are not just a pleasure to be enjoyed briefly.  When our hearts are broken and our spirit is leavened with the spiritual yeast of the Risen Son, the gifts of spiritual sweetness become a manifestation of divine love, proof enough for us that we can take courage and confront the coming days with the Lord by our side.

Day 29 - In the garden, we intuitively realize that producing a good crop means moving around in the dirt, getting dirty and sweaty as we exert ourselves to make sure that we cultivate the best crop our efforts can provide for those we love.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we must realize that our lives bear the best fruits when we are willing to take the risk of moving around in the dirt of our lives, planting seeds of good habits where before there was only empty pleasure, exerting ourselves so that the good habits will grow into great virtues from the dirt of our fallen passions, our virtues drawing strength from the rich soil left behind when our sins have died and lay abandoned on the earth while we reach for the heavens.

Day 30 - In the garden, it is the vine which ascends the supports provided by the gardener, reaching the light of the sun, that grows many branches and bears rich fruit.

In the spiritual garden, Christ is the vine whose Ascension to Heaven allows us to reach the light of the Son of God, and it is by accepting His gift of the spiritual light of grace which helps us, the branches of the True Vine, to bear much spiritual fruit.

Day 32 - In the garden, when the dirt has turned to mud and the rows of plants have rows of puddles alongside them, it is easy to think that things are going wrong in the garden and that we need to clean it up so that it has a splendid appearance once again. But there is nothing wrong with the muddy garden; it is a garden overflowing with life and poised for growth when the sun's rays shine upon it again.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, it is easy to think that things are going wrong when our lives lack the splendid appearance they had previously. But there is nothing wrong with the life which lacks a splendid appearance when it is overflowing with the quiet joy of living and is ready for the profound spiritual growth that awaits the moment it is touched by the light of the Son.

Day 34 - In the garden, there is so much work which can be done that it is quite possible to forget to rest as we rush from plant to plant, watering and weeding our way through the day. It is good to work hard in the garden, and it is also good to rest, to take our ease in the light of the sun as the day comes to a close, letting our hands and feet rest as night draws near.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, there is so much spiritual work to be done that it is quite possible to forget to rest as we rush from prayer to prayer, reciting and reading our way through the liturgy. It is good to do our spiritual work, and it is also good to rest in the Lord, to take our ease in the light of His beloved Son, letting our minds and hearts rest as He draws near.

Day 35 - In the garden, we discover at the harvest how well we will eat over the course of the next year. The harvest will reflect the struggles we faced and the work we accomplished while we cultivated our crop in the garden. The greater our efforts, the greater our reward at harvest time.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we discover at the harvest what fruits our love and prayer have produced. At the harvest, we learn how well we will fare in the course of the next life. The greater our efforts in the spiritual life, the greater our reward when the harvester of souls draws us into the greater garden of Paradise.

Day 37 - In the garden, all the flowers, trees, and crops we cultivate grow to their fullest potential when they grow near the river, the water of life which nourishes and cleanses all which lives, moves, and has being upon the earth.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we grow to our fullest potential when we grow near the living water, that constant stream of the fullness of life we can only find in union with the divine One, the One in whom we live and move and have our being, the One with whom we sacrifice all we have so that all those we love might have living water with us in the eternal garden of Paradise.

Day 38 - In the garden, the fiery sun, which burns so hot that it would destroy us were we to draw near to it as we are, is the same sun which bestows its life-giving rays upon us and all the plants in the garden.  The sun sustains the plants that provide us with food, and it gives us light by which to navigate the world, by day because it is visible, and by night because its light is reflected by the moon.

In the same way, in the spiritual garden the Lord is a consuming fire of Love so fierce that it would destroy us to draw near to Him in our current  state; we must be reborn, made a new creation, and restored to the abundance of life once known to us in the Garden in order to be united with Him.  He sustains us with all the spiritual food we require by His Word, whose flesh and blood we must eat and drink in order to have life within us.  He is the Son who gives light to the world, and even in the dark night of the soul when we have turned away from Him, His light shines upon us, reflected by His gentle mother who desires for all to see the Son even when they are turned away from Him.

Day 39 - In the garden, we eventually want to follow the river to its source, to find the pure spring from which the water wells up and rushes down the mountain above to bring life to our crop.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we eventually want to follow the stream of Living Water back to its source, following it to find that the water rushes down from the heavens to bring us truest life, a gift from above.

Day 40 - In the garden, we lovingly cultivate fine foods which can nourish us on our journey through our lives, food which will fuel us as we attempt to climb the mountain to find the spring at the summit which sends clear water down to the garden where we grow our crops to share with those we love.

So too in the spiritual garden of life, we lovingly cultivate virtuous habits which will sustain us on our journey throughout our spiritual lives, virtue which will preserve us as we attempt to climb to the heavens from which we have received the Living Water to help us grow our hearts so as to share our lives with love for all.

40 Days in the Desert - 40 Days in the Garden - 40 Days on the Mountain

Note:  Photo credit goes to me.

The River of Love: Part II

The desert hums with the struggling of arid life,
a vast ocean of sand burning in the day's heat,
and the scorpion's tail stings like a blunted knife,
the healing river cleansing our wounds so sweaty.

The canyon echoes with the rushing river's sound,
a soft knife carving a way through the jagged earth,
and the air fills with mist above eroding ground,
the rainbows forming and dying like a child's mirth.

The delta pours into the swamp's winding bayous,
a wetland made by the river's flooding each year,
and the fish are thriving amidst the willow's roots,
the gifts of love's living waters constantly near.

The ocean swallows the floating dirt and debris,
a vast expanse suspending the decay and death,
and the immense cosmos of love cleaning slowly,
the breakers washing all unloving back to earth.

The air carries the waves up to the falling skies,
a raincloud born of the steaming sea to us brings,
and the rain of love falling as thirsty earth dries,
the risen groundwater feeding anew the springs.

Note:  Photo credit goes to me.  In this sequel to a previous poem I'm using the same typical devices like a four-line stanza, end rhyme, start rhyme, internal rhyme, and natural imagery.  I tried to stick to a 12-syllable count for each line.  The poem is about our journey through the spiritual desert which culminates in reaching the fullness of love, represented by the ocean.  The ocean of God's love for us permeates the atmosphere of all of existence and rains down again to become part of the groundwater and bubble up from the mountaintop spring once again.

Living on the Mountain: Tough Love

When visiting the grave of my grandfather this past weekend, I remembered his funeral and how all those who came to mourn his passing or pay their respects were deeply impressed by his authentic love, a love that pervaded his life and brought even those who would not normally be inclined to spend any time near my family out to join us in laying him to rest on the mountainside.

Those of us who were his grandchildren were able to experience his love with only a little of his toughness to leaven it, but my mother and her siblings definitely knew that his love was a tough love along with the tough love of my grandmother.  He was not quick to punish when a rule was broken, but his punishment was firm when it occurred.  And his children knew that their punishments were not for his benefit, but for their benefit.  Those children would need to navigate a world of harsh and sometimes unpredictable consequences for their mistakes.  Those children would need to build good habits and avoid unhealthy habits to be successful in navigating that world day by day.  Setting the boundaries to teach them those good habits was tough on them, and yet it was the toughness of a love that would see them grow and fly free some day.

For all our contemporary Western world's insistence that love does not set up laws and punishments, my grandfather's example demonstrates amply that love does indeed require laws.  He was not a loving person because he had rejected laws or because he had risen above them.  He was a loving person because he had learned to keep the laws of the God he loved with all his strength.  Like the mountain's rough edges are smoothed down over time by the rushing river, his rough edges were worn down by obeying the law designed by a God of love to teach us to put love first and to push away the transient desires of the ego so that we can do so.

In the last decade I have learned the toughness of love for myself through poverty, career changes, romance, and friendship.  I have learned that a healthy life requires loving relationships, that loving relationships require a capacity to leave ego in the backseat rather than letting it do the driving, and that obedience to a law external to ourselves is how we learn to leave the ego in the backseat.  My rough edges have increasingly been worn down in the process of learning to move my ego out of the way so that loving relationships can grow.

My friends sometimes find it difficult to understand how I live by so many laws, but my reason for doing so is that it is the best way to develop the capacity for love.  And I truly want to love to the fullest, finding that love through the tough love which my grandfather passed down to me through my mother, a love my grandfather found as he fulfilled the law of God in his life.  May we all fulfill the law of God by letting it smooth down our rough edges so that we can enter fully into His loving embrace and embrace with that same love all those who are loved by God.